Dive In and ‘Eureka!’
The ocean is a mysterious and unexpected place, it’s hard to know what beautiful or terrifying things are there. With only the uncovered eye and from the shore, we can only measure the surface. “Dive in! All of your questions will be answered,” said the fisherman who brought the canoe ashore. Don’t forget to shout “Eureka!” once your curiosity is satisfied.
I’ve dedicated my life to work and cherish every moment. I work every day, I get tired and frustrated cause I can’t reach my goals, perfectly. Then I realised ‘You only life once’ . Make mistakes and fixed them become part of life itself. I’d forgive myself for any mistakes I’ve made. For not being perfect, clueless in several situations, lack of energy or too leisurely like snail.
“She had better finish her tasks immediately.”
“She had better go, at once.”
Those are common words that I always hear when I feel unsure of myself, like a stranger’s soul possesed in someone’s body. I don’t know what should I do or where to begin. I, randomly make an escape plan to get rid of this and that immediately, LoL. I don’t know who I am or what I want, I just don’t care, i need to be Geenie at that time, disappearing and viola I left them behind, because everything feels so hard and confuse. I’m still on the surface, I only seeing the waves and the coastline nothing more or less.
I started to find out who I was and what kind of environment I lived in. Things I didn’t know, my life and my environment; like myself, family, religion, friends, and relationships i had or was in. Many things were not in my sight, they had to be explored and analysed one by one. Diving beetwen luck, chances, and misfortunes. Very much indeed, it turns out a lot of thing i don’t fully understand. This uncertainty makes me feel lost and hesitant. I have to see everything clearly and understand myself deeply.
Apparently, as time passes I know my strenght, weakness, opportunities and treat from myself and everything arround me. Choose to dive in what makes me confused, insecure, uneasy feeling and the value i’ve had or what I worried about, become the best decision i’ve made. So, i can fix all problem one by one, I should thanks to myself.
Of course I know some people feels insecure and seek validations from others. Unsure of themselves so they constantly searching for which is the best fit and suits on by exploring different options or asking several friends about them; From the way they work, behave, think, or look. They need to be assessed by others. You can go ask to yourself, Can you not?
I was in that phase, where I needed clear validations from others that i was enough or more than enough. Whereas, I was only fulfilling their wants and expectations, because I always asked “What kind of person i am?”, “Do I look good today?”, “Are my opinions and words right?” I was so openly stranger to myself till I needed to ask basic questions of others.
A year ago I decided to dive deep into myself, find out who I am and what I need, how I should behave to my circle or the hood and react to something arround me. I exactly know what I want and what I need now, but not sure yet how to reach it. So, I open my mind, join class, meet peoples, doing my hobbies, write something, it works, I found the red line.
Finally “Eureka!” after the darkest years i found myself.
In this life we don’t always have to take all around us personally, whatever it is. What people do are not always because of you, and what you do are not because of them, it’s because of yourself and themselves. Even when the situation seems so personal, it has nothing to do with you. Usually, what they give like opinions is the projections of their own internal thoughts. Everyone has their own life and reality, we don’t have to responsible for that and too serious, we have our own businesses. We are busy peoples, so we better don’t take it personal. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our reality, and we try to impose our reality onto theirs. When we don’t take things personally, if give us feelings, actions, and more power over our thoughts. We recognise individuality of others, we can accept that other people different from us, we just need compromise. We have little control over how peoples relate to us and view us. We have a controlable and uncontrolable side, focus on what you can control as long as you capable.
The truth is we tend to make assumptions and judgments about other people without knowing the full. More often than not, our assume about person is wrong.
Despite all the assumptions and ways of shaping (develop) myself or us
I should be transparent to myself, accept all feelings, i let myself star over as many time as you need (Some time i covering my ears, so I can hear what people said, and focus). I think to define me I have to take a chance, learn, and appreciate for what I’ve done or gonna do. What I did yesterday doesn’t define me, what peoples do or react to me I don’t have to take it personal. That’s part of trying to recognise myself and respect the proscess abundantly clear. Every moment is a new chance to be a better version of me.
Dearest, at some point I unrealise that i force someone to read me and have to use their intuition and gut feelings to see my true intentions when in fact they don’t need to red me or completely know me. I’m the one who have to read myself, and be transparent. Be exactly who I am and what I say. Don’t waste people’s time and energy by playing games. I can spent my time and energy to connect with someone and providing genuine exchange. It means mindfully choosing the people in which I share my energy with and allowing that experience to be guide by loving heart.
It turns out…
Sharing how you feel, what’s real, what you love, being authentically you may be scary…
But it may help you to know what you want and who you are, deep in your heart you’ll understand. You’re not the only one in this world there are so many people you can share with and knowing each other, we are connect and interact. This is why the depth of your ability to love will always be mirrored by your ability to be honest. What do you want make it clear and make it happen, make your intentions clear.
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Don’t use someone to satisfy yourself, your ego, your needs, just be clear and trust yourself. Stop focusing on what was taken away, be grateful that you have the opportunity to learn, to see wider and deeper and apply that wisdom to encounter in your life.
Love and respect yourself a little bit more more than yesterday, set goals and priority. Celebrate yourself, Dearest.
You’ve got Eureka!
